Little Things

Since when is it so hard to do the little things? It's like we've been together so long that he doesn't even try. I don't even ask for big expensive gifts or impossible things. I want flowers...just because. I want to find a written note. I want a sudden hug. I want to be taken to a place..any place, just as a surprise....just because he knows its where I would want to be. I miss the few times he would just show up. I feel like everything has to be dictated. Even a simple thing as a card has become unthinkable. It's like we've fast forwarded our relationship to 10 years, settled down, married and busy with 3 kids. I guess the dumb part is that its been like this for our whole relationship. And I haven't come to the realization that he will never fit the mold that i've created for how a guy should act or treat me. But even after knowing that he doesn't do enough and i dont see him enough, its not enough for me to leave. I think I'm more scared of being alone. I do love him. so much. but when does enough become ENOUGH. How much more tired of something can someone get? I'm tired, I've BEEN tired.